i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize