Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
