I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
