dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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