I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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