btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
