He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
