Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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