Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
