You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
