Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
