I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
