You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize