no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
