i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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