sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize