Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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