Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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