walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
