I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize