were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize