It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Randomize
