...so i touched it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
