Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you never un-have a 4some
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
