Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
