At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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