Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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