you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
