Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
