just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
