i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
