Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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