I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
