So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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