you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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