Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
