I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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