I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
