I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
