my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize