Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
