Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
