Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
