she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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