I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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