What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
