I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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