North Korea, Best Korea!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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