Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
