Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
