I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
