i need an iv and a liver transplant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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