I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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