I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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