it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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