I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
