I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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