I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
