i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
