puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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