dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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