What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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