; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
