He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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