The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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