ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
