Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
