Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
