The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Help. Why am I so naked?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
