I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
